PHOENIX, are you listenin' to me? I say
PHOENIX, you're wanted by Heihachi, hey Paul
PHOENIX, it's about your next bout,
*SO GET* *DOWN* *THERE* *YOU* *DUMB* *WHITE* *LOUT*
PHOENIX, just shut up and stand still, please stop
BASHING my bodyguards if you will, Mr.
PHOENIX, don't you want to be great?
*THEN JUST* *LISTEN* *UP* *YOU* *BIG* *APE*

I've set you up to fight K-U-M-A,
Tomorrow you shall fight K-U-M-A.
She's my best friend in the world!
She's the only one!
She's more adorable than my sons!*

I've set you up to fight K-U-M-A,
Oh yes you're gonna fight K-U-M-A.
She's one intelligent bear!
She's my pride and joy!
I stole her off of Siegfried and Roy!**

PHOENIX, you're one hotheaded guy, I say,
PHOENIX, you know I just can't see why Kuma
HATES YOU, can't be anything too bad, maybe
*'CAUSE* *YOU* *BEAT* *UP* *HER* *DAD*
PHOENIX, you got bad taste in clothes, look in the
MIRROR, it's a style I just loathe, see here,
PHOENIX, lose the jacket and boots, be like
*ME* *AND* *BUY* *AN* *ARMANI* *SUIT*

You know you're gonna fight K-U-M-A,
Oh yes you're gonna fight K-U-M-A.
So why not fight in style?
If you wanna fight a bear,
At least do something about that hair!

You know you're gonna fight K-U-M-A,
Oh yes you're gonna fight K-U-M-A.
A fighter's gotta look good,
Why don't you make just like me,
Stay young with cosmetic surgery!

Hey PHOENIX, are you listenin' to me? I say,
PHOENIX! You're a great fighter I see, you bashed
KUMA, and she's eight feet tall, except
*NOW* *YOU'RE* *MISSING* *YOUR* *BALLS*
PHOENIX! Don't just lie in the dirt, hey there,
PHOENIX, you look like you've been hurt really
BADLY. This next round you got screwed, 'cause you
*JUST* *LOST* *TO* *LING* *XIAOYU*

You won the match against K-U-M-A.
You won the match against K-U-M-A.
But you're not as hot as I thought!
You make me wanna hurl!
You lost the next match to some little girl!

So what if you just beat K-U-M-A... (repeat to fade)

FOOTNOTES:

* Both of Heihachi's sons, by the way, are dead...
** For those of you who're unfamiliar with Siegfried and Roy they're a pair of Las Vegas magicians who feature trained animals in their performances.